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Resident Evil: Degeneration

I like to consider myself a strong willed person. I'm very skeptical when it comes to movies, not wanting to find myself wishing that I had the last two hours of my life back after watching a particularly awful movie. But there are certain franchises that I'm a slave too, Resident Evil being one of them. By no means am I a fanatic, I don't collect every action figure (though I tried...) and I resisted the venomous hooks of the shooters and ports. But when I saw that a CG film was in the works, a film that should by all rights make up for the atrocious live action films, I nearly wet my pants with excitement. I still don't know how I blocked out all the flaws of the CG cutscenes in the games.

RE: D is a cash in, short and simple. Capcom looked past the innovation of the brilliant RE4 to pull the rotting horse carcass out of the closet to bludgeon it some more. The trailer was misleading, it gave an exciting look at a new scenario, an airport. This is a classic horror movie scenario, but Capcom said screw that and went the safe route. The movie moves at the same pace as most of the games: Zombie infestation - Discover a lab where the virus being bred - Discover a traitor in the group! (shock! surprise!) - Fight the giant mutant monster - Survive life ending explosion. It was disappointing to say the least.

The RE universe is slowly moving away from Raccoon City, giving the series a much need breath of fresh air, but it seems that for every step the series takes forward, it takes two lifeless shambles backwards. The events in the movie take place a number of years after Raccoon City went boom and Claire Redfield is working for an organization hellbent on stopping testing being done with the T/G viruses. She's arrives in an airport where a corrupt Senator who supports said virus testing is waiting out the media frenzy that got wind of his arrival. Claire meets a mysterious stranger with more points dumped in his charm stat than a hooker in an Amsterdam brothel when a zombie shows up and starts chowing down. Did I mention that she also has a young girl dumped on her by a work associate before all hell breaks loose? I'm so sick of this plot line/pain in the ass mission of protecting children prone to screaming and ruining your day. So, zombies are running amok when a plane crashes into the side of the airport. Claire loses the kid in the mix, gets stuck with the Senator and finds the plane must have been piloted by a zombie as the zombie passengers start to disembark. Claire says Oh fuck and we cut to the Special Response Team wondering how they're going to resolve this situation. Cue Leon Kennedy taking charge and taking in a team of two, a trigger happy dumbass and a girl too well endowed and naive to be a top agent. They infiltrate the airport save Claire and the survivors and lose the trigger happy dumbass in the process. The airport is quaranteened and the mysterious stranger from before shows up again and turns out to be the lead researcher for the cure to the T/G virus. He and Claire take off to the lab after the supplies blow up. Cue the traitor bit and lab explosion. Leon and Tits McGee make it to the lab after she reveals her brother is a possible bio terrorist. Turns out her brother is there and turns into the giant monster that must be destroyed. He wipes out a squad of soldiers and then turns to make mutant babies with his sister as the countdown for the bomb that will blow up the lab starts to tick down. I can't even finish this, it's so horrible.

Resident Evil's story line is about as good as the voice acting and animation. Some huge flaws were the Botox filled facial features The lips barely moved to deliver the emotionless lines and the only expressions were blank stares and a small crinkle in the eyebrows. Everyone had a shiny tone to their clothes, no matter what they were wearing, and they all moved like puppets on broken strings. Everything about the movie was stiff, not even the hair moved when the characters would move or even hang upside down. The only thing that looked fluid was the final creature, but even that looked off. It looked like a claymation monster from a Tim Burton film. It was a poor effort all around, but nothing surprising from Capcom.

Like I said before, I'm slave to this franchise, but mostly thanks to the games. It would appear that Capcom is unable to put out a good movie. I can only wait in terror for the fourth RE live motion flick.

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