Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Jack

Today was the hardest day of my life.  Today, I held my unborn son. 

We found out last Friday that we had miscarried.  Even if she had stayed in bed the entire time, we still would have lost the baby.  I don't know how or why.  I thought we were safe, making it through the first trimester.  Yesterday, we went back to the doctor for the confirmation.  We were scheduled to have the remains removed today at noon.  This morning, the baby passed on its own.  At 6:45am, I held my unborn child's lifeless body.  I doubt I will ever experience anything more painful.

He was the best part of me.  His tiny body fit into the palm of my hand, and I could not let him go.  This was my son.  I've never loved anything so much in my life.

We headed to the hospital right away.  An ultrasound was performed, with Mom being in optimal health.  It was then that we handed our baby's body to the doctor.  I will never see him again.  I will never hear him laugh, or feel his warmth as I rock him to sleep.  For a brief 15 seconds, I heard his heart beat.  It is a sound I will never forget.

We named him Jack.
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