Quarter life crisis

I play a lot of games.  Some would say that I play too many.  I say, "Who the hell are you to judge me?"  No, not really, I take it as an attack on my being and sulk for a few days, never saying what I want to.  I could say its a lack of confidence on my part, hardwired into my being early on, but that would be the easy way out.  No, I should really man up and say my bit, but what if that offends someone?  I can put up a great front of not caring, but every criticism hits home.  Its like I'm starved for attention, craving the smallest positive review. 

I like to write, but I never do any actual writing.  I was told that I would be a writer when I grew up, I never believed it.  Truth be told, now that I have a passion for it, I still have my doubts.  My grammar is horrible at best and spelling has been on a steep decline over the past few years.  The most I had ever immersed myself was in college.  Those years were either the least or most productive I've ever had, depending on your viewpoint.  I was drowning in depression and had latched onto a muse beyond compare.  I didn't attend classes, instead opting to languish in my miniscule dwellings to write meager offerings to Her.  I was fascinated by prose and poetry, thanks to the master Dante and his works, but never did any real research into structure.  Hell, I never edited any of it, thinking to myself that it was perfect as it was "in the moment."  Looking back, I'm ashamed at the poor construction, but when reading them, I couldn't be prouder.  The were the moments where I was true to myself, and each one highlights a point in my life where I could have been happy.  Of all my endeavours, I have only been encouraged in this, but only by two people.  This is evidenced by the lack of readers here.  Most people would call it quits, saying "Obviously wait I write it garbage, time to throw in the towel."  The "passion" I have for written word keeps me going, but honestly, what's the point?  (So far I've referenced my various English guides six times, and I can guarantee that there's still plenty wrong here.)

I wanted to write another review, but this seemed more fitting, like I had to get it off my chest.  For anyone that had kept up with my writing over the past six years, they know this story all too well.  I'll become dormant for a while, then unleash my pity piece as a way of release.  I've lost count of how many I've done and how many have hit the garbage.  I want something more out of life, but don't know how to get it.  I'm lost and afraid to ask for help because I'll look like an idiot.  I'm afraid I'm the only asshole who can't get it right, the one everybody is ashamed of knowing.  That guy who seemed interesting at first, but turned out to be weird and embarassing to be around.  I'm too self concious and need to let go, but I'm afraid.  Conquering this fear has been a life long goal.  I don't want to be insecure anymore.  I want to write and be recognized, though this looks to be a pipe dream. 

I am me.  You are you.  This is my quarter life crisis.


Today marks the 10 year anniversary of the greatest entry in video game history.  It changed my life as it cemented gaming in the core of my being.  It was Final Fantasy VIII.

I first saw the trailer for FFVIII in a theater.  Never before then had I seen a video game advertised on the big screen.  It was breathtaking.  From the amazing graphics to the euphoric soundtrack, this was the best ad for a game I had ever seen.  I knew I had to get this game.  I began to collect everything I could regarding this gift from the heavens.  There was only one problem, I didn't own a Playstation.  That didn't stop me though, I was a 14 yr old boy with a dream.  When release day rolled around, I was at the store picking up my copy.  It was my very first PS game, I had the game before I had the console.  That required me brokering a deal with Grandma that involved me losing presents for both my birthday and Christmas.  To put this in perspective, I had FFVIII two months before I had a Playstation.  It was the first game to be spun on that wonderful machine and since has been my all time favorite game.


I won't break into a full review, not yet at least.  For 10 years, VIII has stayed at the top as my all time favorite game.  Despite the many incredible games (Fable, Kingdom Hearts, Rock Band, etc.) to come out since, none can compete with the grandeur and sense of awe I experienced with VIII.  With the release of FFVII on the Playstation Network, I can only hope that VIII will see a digital rerelease as well.  Long has it been my dream to have a portable version of this classic.  Here's hoping they finally get around to it.

Edge of Paradise

So I've finally returned from a week long stay in the land of sun.  Not the rising sun, the one with the fruits and nuts.  I have mixed feelings coming home.  Granted its comforting being back in familiar settings, but there's nothing unexpected like out there.  I'll miss spending the day at the beach, taking naps to the soothing sound of the ocean.  I'll miss the family we keep out there most of all.  The only consolation is that fall is fast approaching, as hailed by my having to put on a sweatshirt.  Halloween is just around the corner and you can't celebrate the greatest holiday in sunny 85 degree weather.

There was good and bad, ties strengthened and others broken, but I choose to walk away with the positive.  There was much of it, starting with seeing old faces at the airport.  It had been far too long and I'll make sure it won't be as long this time.

We took in the sights starting at the zoo.  It was 100 degrees and by the end we had to scrape the joy out, but I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything.  Supposedly it was the best zoo outing many of us had as nearly all the animals were out for viewing.  After six hours of walking, we had seen everything and then some.  I saw many animals for the first time, including pandas and snow leopards.  The best though, was this sleeping lion:

The next morning we left San Diego for Huntington Beach.  We eneded up stranded, but turned it into good.  We spent the next few days in the waves and sand soaking up the sun.

The surf was amazing, but harsh.  I managed to stand on the surf board for a millisecond before it popped up from under me and landed on my head with a resounding thud.  It was then that I decided to stick with the boogie board and I now understand why everyone out there has one.  Small and easy to use with immediate payoff.  I was also attacked by a small crab.  By small, I mean it was newly hatched with it's shell still being translucent.  When we weren't at the edge of paradise, we browsed the local shops and took in the culture.  At night we retired to family for nights filled with laughter.

Upon returning to San Diego, I took to the sky.  By which, I fell 13,000ft at 120mph.  It was the single most exilirating experience I've ever had.  I wasn't nervous until I actually entered the plane.  As we took off and began to climb I was able to calm my nerves.  But when we reached to peak and the door opened, I began to quietly panic.  The bodies flew out and as I inched closer I immediately regretted this decision.  Just so you're aware, the tea cups at local carnivals make me sick.  I'm a sissy, I know.  My instructor told me to place my feet at the edge of the craft and as I was doing so, he flung our bodies out with me not ready in the slightest.  My stomach lurched into my throat and I prayed that I would pass out if the entire fall was like this. 

Two seconds later and we were up to speed with my fear far behind.

The freefall was spectacular with the view making up for any discomfort.  Before I knew it, the chute was opened and we were gliding towards the earth.  Even though I'm positive I'd feel sick jumping out, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  There is nothing quite like it, even if you do have another person strapped to your ass.

Suddenly the trip was over, and we had to endure eight hours of travel to get back home.  I was sad to leave, but that just gives me resolve to return as quickly as possible.  Thank you to everyone for housing us and feeding us.  This is by far the best vacation I've ever had and we'll make sure to see you soon.